A friend of Pádraig’s one evening came and brought some incense and an oil lamp. It was dark outside and in Pádraig’s room. He prepared everything to sit on the floor beside Pádraig’s bed to meditate with Pádraig. The door to the kitchen is just a wooden sliding door which isn’t anything proof, meaning light, smells and noise pass from the kitchen into Pádraig’s room. Someone in the kitchen said ‘sorry, I’ll be making a bit of noise here while I’m cooking but I’ll be finished in a few minutes’. To which Pádraig’s friend answered ‘don’t worry, you can make as much noise as you like, it won’t make a difference to me’.

I will try to be a bit more like this. I can do what I want to do, when I want to do it, what I need to do almost independent of the ‘noise’ around me. I don’t need the ‘ideal’ circumstances to allow me to do this. They might never materialise. I can meditate in the middle of kitchen chaos, I can run when it rains, I can work on stuff others don’t believe in, I can be nice and reasonable when someone is driving me nuts. Sure, there will be setbacks and I’m convinced that friend of Pádraig’s didn’t manage immediately to meditate amidst the chaos of life. It takes practice. I’m starting to practice tonight.

If you’re not Irish you mightn’t be familiar with Dustin The Turkey. After he came last (or second last?) in the Eurovision Song Competition representing Ireland, his popularity slightly declined. He really didn’t ever like Christmas and was always a bit nervous around this time of the year. Understandably.

This year, we had the best turkey ever. We were told it was a happy turkey from a real farm who had roamed the fields and the woods all his life. Happy or not, Christmas brought an end to his life – which is kind of sad. There is this thought in my mind that ending an unhappy turkey’s life is maybe less cruel than ending that of a happy turkey.

The uncle from America, turned vegetarian recently, had, of course, his own opinion about killing animals and eating them….

There was definitely magic in the air at Dublin Airport today with so many people arriving home for Christmas. When Pádraig and us got into the arrivals hall, we thought ‘wow’. The sound of that Gospel Choir was pretty unbelievable. The energy, the joy, the sheer drive and believe behind their songs and their singers was really special.

We went there to meet Pádraig’s uncle from America who has the habit to arrive, like Santa himself, on Christmas Eve.

A few decades ago, it all was the other way around: I was coming to Dublin and he picked me up. It was my first time to meet him and his family. The evening and the night are now a firm part of our family’s folklore and has been remembered at weddings and funerals and, just last Wednesday, on ‘Talk to Joe’. Today, it was and altogether more ‘civilised’ affair. He brought with him best wishes, cards, and presents from people we barely know. Love around the world! And peace on Earth.

I’m having trouble getting into the Christmas spirit. Whatever that is. Instead, I am getting this urge of making long overdue decisions. Some of them I wanted to make when Pádraig’s accident happened. But, everybody knows and Dr Google will confirm that for you: never take important decisions at moments of life-changing events.

My best friend once said: nobody ever changes, unless they really have to. And that is at breaking point. Decisions are too risky otherwise. Especially the big ones.

I am taking a precaution: I’ll try to get some sleep because rule number 2 says: never take important decisions when you are exhausted. Although, if that doesn’t work out (getting some sleep), I’d say rule number 1 will kick in automatically, because I’ll find myself closer to that point where taking a decision won’t be optional.

There is a third rule. Before you introduce any drastic changes, get rid of ballast and clutter. So over the coming days (hopefully) and weeks (more likely) I will get rid of stuff that I feel captures my life. Books, pictures, clothes and other stuff important to no-one else but myself – and I won’t have the time to read those books, looks at those pictures, or wear any of those clothes filling up that wardrobe to a point where it no longer closes.

Pádraig went out food shopping today to one of those gigantic supermarket to get what we will need over the Christmas. Another pretty good thing to be able to do. We’ll have a full house over the coming week. Family will be joining us from Europe, the US and Australia. It’ll be mad, chaotic, great fun, sad (because of all the people missing), never-ending (like the turkey being served, again, on Stephen’s Day:), and (occasionally) happy. Just like Christmas is supposed to be.

Yesterday was the shortest day of the year. Following months of days getting shorter and darker and more miserable, with each night getting longer, times are now changing and change is on the way! Brighter times are on the way!

Just in case you’re not living in Dublin – check out the new Luas, Dublin’s tram, blocking the view of the city’s humongous Christmas tree on the picture above. The Luas is now running down O’Connell street, turning left into Parnell Square, causing some incredible traffic jams and pedestrian pile ups!

Pádraig had another lovely dog visiting him yesterday, together with his owners (yes, the attention was on the dog:). Unfortunately, I didn’t manage to take a few snaps, but it was obvious how well Pádraig got on with the dog. I started to think (and I haven’t really be a dog-person) that if we found the right dog, with a bit of training as a companion or a therapy dog, I’d almost go for it. Two of his friends recommended a Rottweiler because of their gentle character. Gentle character!!??? Just shows how little I know! I had that picture of Rottweilers in my mind chasing away thieves from expensive properties, fletching their teeth. But gentle? Apparently so!

Every so often these days, memories are seeping through from four years ago when we had just ‘furnished’ that small apartment in Hamburg’s Forbacherstrasse and Pádraig’s lungs weren’t doing that great. He could not eating, he could not drinking, he could not move’, he was not communicating, he could not smell, he could not taste, and he was on a respirator.

Today, Pádraig is on the verge of taking control of his life back, at least to a degree, and he certainly wants to and makes that very clear. What a change that is and how much brighter the future looks today than it did back then, only four short years ago.

One of the most important things he is able to do, and he did it yesterday very obviously, which made it a first, is to do things out of his own initiative, not something anybody had asked him to do, but something he did because he wanted to. We had talked in the morning about the winter solstice and then, in the evening, when he had his dinner, they were reporting on it on the telly. When he heard it mention, he turned his head around to look at the telly. Small move, BIG independent, not-prompted decision making with subsequent initiative.

Pádraig went out to town to see and experience a bit of the crazy Christmas atmosphere. While he was out on the town, I tried to connect by driving the car through impossible traffic.

I’m tired but I am afraid I’ll have to leave it here:)

For some reason, I’ve been feeling edgy for the last few days. I have this list of stuff to do. A list I put together last week. The list is a long as my arm. All important things. All need to be done. Not tomorrow, not next week or next year, but now. Urgently.

The problem is: no-one, not the best organised or capable person in the world could possibly do all those important and urgent things on that list. It’s impossible. Yet, I keep working on it. Trying not to become overwhelmed. And keep going

Pádraig went back to the CRC today to get a new table with an integrated switch. If it works as planned, it’ll be fantastic.

It became so clear today that what stands in Pádraig’s way, what makes it so difficult for him to communicate, is not a lack of ability. The barrier is access to services that would assist him to overcome whatever restrictions there are.

It’s as simple as that.

Knowing this and not providing him with this access is against any common sense. In fact, I would say it’s denying him his basic human right.

If you ever tried running, you probably have experienced that feeling when this person comes up from behind, passes you out, and you wonder how they do it. It looks as if they were not touching the ground at all. They seem to float by, defying gravity – while you are struggling to put one foot in front of another.

Ok. Maybe it’s an age thing. At least in my case. Comparing my fitness level with that of a 20 or 30 something year old just doesn’t make sense. At least that’s what I’m telling myself when it happens. Even if that person passing me out is pushing a buggy.

But today, I experienced the ultimate insult. Two fully dressed lads just flashed by. I could hardly see them, they were that fast! And, as it turned out, they were not even ‘running’ – they were just trying to catch a bus!

I’m not giving up. I’ve set my eye on the Hamburg and Dublin marathons next year and will just keep trying. I won’t win them, but arriving in one piece would be nice.

I’m doing it because I want to show Pádraig that he is not the only one who is trying really hard on that long, long road to recovery. Today, he had a brilliant session in the standing frame when he held, for the first time, his head and upper body straight with just some back support. This afternoon, in the pool, he did brilliant leg work both on his back and when walking across the pool, in addition to showing really good hand and arm control when pulling and pushing himself towards and away from the side of the pool while holding on to the side rail.

There is no doubt in my mind that Pádraig will be walking one day, maybe in 2018. Because he just won’t take no for answer and the very concept of something not being possible has never entered his mind. What an example to follow.

One night last week when one song brought on another, I kept a couple that I wanted to share. So here are the fabulous Moody Blues with The Story in your Eyes and Dutch band “Focus” with the truly (literally) incredible Hocus Pocus.

I can make some sense out of The Story in your Eyes and can really relate to  the lyrics:

Listen to the tide slowly turning
Wash all our heartaches away
We are part of the fire that is burning
And from the ashes we can build another day

But – what do you make out of this:

I mean – “Full lyrics on Google Play Music”??? I’d love to see the rest of these ‘lyrics’!!?? The thing is: no member of the Moody Blues would ever have managed to roll his eyes like Thijs van Leer on ‘vox’, flute and organ did, when he psyched himself up during this breathtaking live performance.

Around Pádraig it feels like everybody is packing up their bags. There is an exodus of therapists and carers out of Ireland that is unreal. It’ll be interesting to see how he and us are going to cope. A surprise is unlikely, but might not be completely out of the question: maybe, just maybe, we’ll have a brilliant, very normal, time. In good company, with late lie-ins, nice walks along the sea or in the mountains (well, what passes as ‘mountains’ here). On the other hand, it could mean complete melt down and final burn out. “Wir lassen uns überraschen”, we’re looking forward to be surprised, as the old German saying goes. (Not that Germans really like surprises.)

Finally, a journalist published a piece in  The Irish Daily Star on 20 November, the day Pádraig became famous on RTÉ One during Science Week. She was so kind to send it on.

Pádraig had a full house last night. Dozens of friends joined to celebrate Christmas with him. They brought food and drink. Some brought their instruments. Some staid for just a short time. Some left later, after the best seisiún ever.  There were many highlights. The incredible (Jamie Oliver-inspired) mulled wine, with many secret ingredients and a “drop” of poitín, apparently sourced from a teacher (!) from Connemara (you know who you are:). The fantastic food. The brilliant music. Above all, so so many friends, some of them hadn’t seen each other for months, some of them had just arrived from England and the US. – If you wondered about the Christmas spirit, if you wondered what Christmas was all about, it was all there last night.

It always seems to take a little while. And so it did last night. But eventually, the instruments were taken out and after some phenomenal traditional music, and a bit of a warm up, we were treated to some individual master pieces. Towards the end, the original Dreamboater Cast presented, or rather: joined in to the title track of that album they had put together after Pádraig’s accident to raise funding for his treatments – for me, it was the first time I heard that song live and I couldn’t but cry and, at the same time, be filled with energy and determination. The night finished with that famous song by Shane McGowan.

Got on a lucky one, came in eighteen to one. I’ve got a feeling this year’s for me and you. So happy Christmas. I love you baby. I can see a better time when all our dreams come true.

Dreamboaters ahoy!

Pádraig really had an incredible night with his friends. Who would have thought any of this would ever be possible again, when he was struggling for his life just a few years ago? Who would have thought we’d ever feel like celebrating Christmas again? To be happy and to share our happiness with each other over the Christmas days? It felt like a miracle, made possible by the friendship shared by Pádraig and his friends. Dreamboaters who will always do what is right and who won’t ever believe if someone tells them “this is impossible”. They are living proof that whatever you want to do, whether it is swimming around Ireland, making mulled wine with Connemara poitín, or recovering from the most life-changing injuries – is possible as long as you stick together and are there for your friends.

What a night! In 30 years time, I think many of Pádraig’s friends will remember this night: how beautiful and young everybody was, and how happy.