Have you ever tried to write something about your life and the life of someone close to you every day? I’d never done anything like this before. When I started, I thought I’d do it for a few weeks, for a number of months max. until Pádraig would be better. Maybe not exactly like before the accident, but communicating with us and taken back at least some level of control over his life.

I would never have anticipated how long I’d be doing this. More than a year and a half.

You would probably never have anticipated that you’d still be going to the hospi-tales after so many months either.

I was going to ask when and where it’ll all end. I won’t. The day will come and when it’s there we’ll all know.

For the time being, I’ll keep writing. Into the New Year. Pádraig will make progress. Step by step. Bit by bit. And the hospi-tales will be coming out. Every night.

Today, I brought in the haircutter. Remember the haircutter? The one that you can use for designer haircuts at the back of somebody’s head. I resisted the temptation and, what is more surprising than that, there weren’t any mishaps either. We also washed Pádraig’s hair, something we should do more often, not just because he’s obviously worth it:), but also because we really need more practice to get through this a bit smoother. Because when we were finished the place was in a slight mess, none of it my fault, of course:), but we managed to get it all organised and back to ‘normal’ in no time.

So back to the New Year resolutions… have you got any?

Today’s German Music Tip
Andreas Bourani, Auf anderen Wegen
Du schlägst Wurzeln, ich muss fliegen
What’s hot
Haircuts
What’s cold
New Year’s resolutions
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Höa doch eimal mit diese Laberei auf!

No. Not Stallone. But Sylvester I.

He was the bishop of Rome up to 335, when he died.  One of the big things he did was to baptise Emperor Constantin the Great. In Germany though, he is not know for this and other great things he did in his time, but because ‘his’ day is the 31st of December. It’s Sylvester today, the last day of the year.

When I went to the supermarket this morning, a whole section looked like as if the Germans were getting ready for the next big war:

60 Schuss (shots), rockets by the dozen, 8 times canon fire, China bangers, 19 shot platoon, 25 shots – just fire once… and this is just a selection.

Last year, we were watching the fireworks from the window of a room in the ICU of the UKE. 6 months after the accident, Pádraig was again right on the edge.

Tonight, he had something to eat (very finely minced), and a drink of water. He was exercising on the viva la MOTOMed, sitting in his wheelchair while a ridiculous programme on Eurosport about the ‘best’ mishaps of 2014 was playing in the background. We were out on the roof garden, watching some early fireworks that were going off in the distance.

Next week, on Wednesday, Pádraig has another appointment in the UKE, this time in the ENT Polyclinic’s outpatient’s department to see whether they can remove his tracheostomy. If they think they can, he’ll get another appointment to come in for a few days. Fingers crossed.

Since this is the last day of the year, I want to thank you all for what you have done  to support Pádraig over the year. Without all the crazy (and the ‘regular’:) stuff you did, we would all have given up and packed it in. We didn’t and we won’t. Dreamboaters.

Thank you.

No late night car journey to a hospital this year to see how this routine operation had worked out. Pádraig is very stable tonight, his lungs are fine and he is getting better every day. It was a very different story this day last year.

Looking back to how it was then makes me think that we should be very thankful to all who contributed to his survival and recovery so far.

Thank you! You are my heroes.

Pádraig had a phase where he really really liked ‘smileys’. They were everywhere. And it was easy to find a birthday or a Christmas present for him.

Sometimes I think I’m only writing about the good things that are happening.

About how well Pádraig is doing. The improvements he’s making. The way he really tries so hard. The way he doesn’t let all those frustrating moments, when things don’t quite work out the way he would want them to work out, get into his way. About his incredible will-power to keep going in the toughest of all times for him. The ripples, or rather giant waves he’s creating from his hospital bed. Bringing people together who haven’t met for ages. Getting people to do things they never thought they were able to do. Creating and firming up friendships that will last forever. Having people opening up their hearts and show incredible solidarity and support.

Sometimes I wonder whether that is a good thing. Because life isn’t really like that. Good. At least not all the time. – So what to do when bad things happen?

On the other hand, some people believe that your mind and your attitude can change the way you are and the way you feel, as in: you feel good if you really want to, if you focus on the positive aspects of what is going on.

Pádraig has a quote pinned up on the wall of his room at home, it’s from a famous Irishman, who wasn’t always treated that well himself, who quotes Lord Darlington in Lady Windermere’s Fan, A Play About a Good Woman, first produced 22 February 1892 in London, as saying:

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Being German and all (although I’ve started to doubt that too:) being positive and joyful and funny doesn’t really come natural. But – I’ll keep thinking about this…. Germans are good at thinking.

Talking about good news: Pádraig today moved his head. By himself. Which is really good. Not just because every movement he initiates wilfully himself is absolutely brilliant, but also because head control is great for breathing too. The more the better. And the better he will manage without the tracheostomy. Which is the first of the three main things we would like to get rid of.

So it looks like as if the good news will keep coming.

PS: I went away with Maria for a couple of days. We came back tonight to a Hamburg covered in snow. It was really nice to have spent that time with her and I’m sure I won’t ever forget those days with her. I’m sure she won’t either:)

Have you ever done something that remembered you of another time? Maybe because there was a smell, a song, a place, or just some noise that brought you back to that other time.

Some people I know don’t want to do something that worked out really well again, just in case this time it wouldn’t. Other people I know are going for a repeat – if it worked out last time, if something was really nice, they say “let’s do it again”!

T. S. Eliot once wrote: “What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” – I don’t know about you, but I had to read this a few times… I suppose what it means is that whether something is a beginning or an end depends on your perspective.

Pádraig was good today. Trying hard. Really trying hard to breathe with the cannula capped. This evening, he got a ‘full’ pureed evening meal which he half-finished – not quite like himself yet, but getting there. He just needs to keep at it, right? Keep going, sailing down the stream, keep believing. That nothing is impossible.

The T.S. Eliot quote implies that whatever you do, it’s never possible to go back: you can neither fail nor succeed in repeating a great experience. Life has no repeats.

There are so many situations, moments, smells, songs, places that make me expect Pádraig to appear suddenly out of nowhere because he just belongs into this “setting”, he has always been in it. I want to go back to the good times and can’t.

It’s from the end that we have to start from. And to keep going. And to keep believing.

Today’s German Music Tip
Clueso, Gewinner
Ich geb’ nicht auf, gehst du mit mir, gehst du mit mir, mit auf uns zu!
What’s hot
Beginnings
What’s cold
Endings
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Mein lieber Scholli!

He has lost his way.

Cardinal Raymond Burke and Philadelphia Archbishop Charles Chaput are quoted in the Christian Times that they believe he is not providing leadership.  The Australian Cardinal George Pell is raising the possibility that Francis might be a “false pope”.

This is a certainly a Pope with opinions. The kind that doesn’t go down that well with the establishment. – Look at these ailments he identified in the curia. I thought that either there must be loads of Irish Builder-Boomers in the curia, or powerful people in large institutions just can have a lot of traits in common.

Where would you find people who are being “rivals or boastful”, when “one’s appearance, the color of one’s vestments or honorific titles become the primary objective of life”? Or those suffering from ‘existential schizophrenia’, “losing contact with reality and concrete people”, “a sickness that academic degrees cannot fill”? Do you know people committing the ‘terrorism of gossip’? There are certainly loads of people around who “glorify one’s bosses”, who “court their superiors”, those who are “victims of careerism and opportunism”.

If you want to help people, take responsibility for their welfare, support a caring health system, then you cannot do this with people who have primarily either votes or money on their mind. It’s not a competition. It’s not about who is going to win at the cost of others.

Pádraig is continuing with his training. Regularly. Continuously. Getting better. Sitting up in the wheelchair, eating and drinking, breathing with a capped cannula, having a go on the viva la MOTOMed. And new ‘firsts’ at regular intervals. He is sailing down the stream on the Dreamboat, and he believes that things can change.

In the New Year, we will bring things together. People with integrity and an organisation with transparency, to offer persons with severe brain injuries adequate and affordable help and support.

I know that many of you will be part of this!

Do you know people who feel immortal, immune or indispensable? People who work too hard, who are becoming spiritually and mentally hardened? People who plan too much yet work without coordination, like an orchestra that produces noise? And have you come across people who have ‘spiritual Alzheimer’s’?

To me, this sounds like the absolute perfect description of those bankers, builders, and property developers who ruined the country, well: in fact several countries, with the backing of their political masters. Those who defended “bare knuckles capitalism” when they were making an absolute fortune from a big bubble of hot air, and then introduced socialism for the rich when the deals went down by sharing out their debts with all of society, including you and me.

I cannot read this description of these ‘ailments’ often enough. It’s pure brilliance, I think.

The most brilliant thing about this description, however, is that it is part of the “15 Ailments of the Curia” referred to by Pope Francis in his Christmas Address this year.

Try to remember, when was it that you heard a Pope talk like this? I remember bishops, and bishops in Latin America especially, getting into big trouble with the Vatican (and the German Pope) for saying stuff like this some years ago. And now? Now, the Pope himself is from Latin America and is telling off the catholic churches’ officials. – Looks like there are interesting times to come!

Over Christmas, Pádraig was as good as he can get these days. I remember that we used to check his vital signs (heart beat, oxygen) on the monitor first thing when we came in, but not anymore. When he is in the wheelchair, we even disconnect him from all these wires altogether, without any hesitation. Physically, he’s great, he been getting so much better and stronger, and I am sure that this also is affecting his level of alertness.

But it is like training. Even if you have achieved a ‘personal best’, or a PB, like one of Pádraig’s ‘firsts’, you will have to work hard, and keep working hard, over quite some time, so that you repeat this PB again and again, until it becomes something that you then take for granted. You can never let go, you have to keep at it, every day. This is what is happening with Pádraig. He can drink. Next day, he tries again and this time it doesn’t work that well. But he keeps trying. Working through all of this frustration of failure. But he keeps trying and the next day it works again. And the next. And the following day he doesn’t take the water and the milk from a spoon but out of a cup.

All of this is like so many things in life. Good things don’t tend to fall into your lap. They are the result of hard, continuous, regular work

There was a great surprise today when a team of physios came in to work with Pádraig for a session. Something we hadn’t expected on the 2. Weihnachtstag – when staff is still on a skeleton level. It was brilliant.

Oh, I gave a copy of Amhrán do Phádraig and the Dreamboat yesterday to Udo Lindenberg 🙂

Christmas Mass in Germany is different. Well, at least in a catholic church in protestant Hamburg. We went for the 9 o’clock mass. You know the one you go to because you want to go early, before you stick the turkey into the oven and put the ham into the biggest pot and onto the fire to cook both for hours. It’s all about timing. Getting the turkey, the ham, the potatoes (boiled and roasted), sprouts and carrots and broccoli, getting it all ready at the same time. Although – that’s the easy part. Much more difficult is it to get all the people around the table all at the same time and not too long before the dinner is ready.

The organ playing was impressive, the priest’s singing was quite good (he sang everything, from hymns to the Our Father). This was the short early mass, before the Hochamt later on, so it just took over an hour. Half an eternity by Irish standards.

Instead of turkey and ham, we had a big breakfast and went to the hospital to join Pádraig. He has received so many cards and present that there ain’t enough tables to hold all the cards. Thank you to all, on behalf of Pádraig, who sent him great cards, great presents, and really really nice messages. You know the song Ronnie Drew sang about Spanish being the loving tongue (or something like it). Well, I think that Irish must be the loving tongue because many of the good wishes that Pádraig received were in Irish. It is brilliant to have such a bond and to be able to express it in such a beautiful language. It means 1000 times more than just ‘words’.

Pádraig continues to do well. There hasn’t been a dramatic jump in how he is. But there have been slow and steady improvements. He has been eating twice for (I think it must be at least close to) a week now, and not just stewed apple but mashed carrots and potatoes and, for the first time today, bananas. When we left him this evening, I was sad, as I always am when we leave him, but we knew that he is getting better.

He is the guy with the hat looking towards me 🙂

To celebrate Christmas, we went to have a drink in our favourite bar in our favourite hotel – and guess who we saw and talked to: Udo Lindenberg, you know him if you had a look at some of the music links in previous blogs. He looks great, is extremely polite, and moves and talks very much like the Udo Lindenberg you would see on stage. He is who he is. And I hope he’ll continue for a long time!

Check out the Interview (in German) with Udo im Atlantic, the Highlights of MTV Unplugged recorded here, or the song “Mein Ding” featuring the hotel.

Maria and I went down South. It sounds like a trip to the Rio Grande and the border to Mexico. In a way it was. After all, everything south of the river Elbe is foreign territory – at least that is what the people living north of the river say.

We left Hamburg towards the end of the day. Pádraig was in his wheelchair when we left and had eaten a full ‘Gläschen’ in record time: 45 minutes. He was managing ok on the capped tube, breathing in and out through his mouth. All of us were happy that he was doing ok. Doing ok. Was hat die Zeit mit uns gemacht?

I am staying with a really good friend tonight, one of the real ‘old’ ones, the night before Christmas Eve. I had planned to do this for the best part of the past year, and it never worked out. To be honest, I could have stayed up for the rest of the night to talk, about anything, no desire to sleep (sleep is over-rated anyways), no desire for it to end. We have known each other for a long long time. And the welcome, meeting his family, talking the night away, was just great. Was hat die Zeit mit uns gemacht?

Today’s German Music Tip
Udo Lindenberg, Was hat die Zeit mit uns gemacht? – Der Winter kommt, der erste Schnee der kommt…
What’s hot
Talk
What’s cold
Sleep
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Nu komm endlich ma zu Potte!