This is people power. In a really imaginative way. Not confrontational. But determined. We don’t have them in Germany. But in Ireland, there are parks that are locked at night. So, what do you do if you want to go for a walk in the park after sunset? Do you break the lock? Do you cut the chain?

No. You do exactly the opposite. You put on plenty of locks and chains to keep the gate open. Ingenious! Who would have thought about this approach? It’s like a double lock and chain …

Pádraig’s friends started what will hopefully become a weekly Thursday evening quiz and fun session with Pádraig. Plenty of tea and biscuits. And an interactive quiz show. From what I heard, it wasn’t really the questions, nor the answers that mattered. But the interaction. The fun. And the biscuits. (Yes, I confess, I just finished them up:)

The approach of the people who kept the gates open, rather than opening the closed gates, doesn’t get out of my head.

Because it’s exactly what we need to do with rehabilitation, therapy, integration, participation and all those things that sABI survivors need. Rather than trying to reverse what the ‘system’ is not doing by trying to cut through their red tape and chains, we just need to put up our own tape and chains and keep the gate open for what our loved ones need. Keep it coming. Never allow any gates, any access to be closed.

Pádraig changed his mind. He had been telling us that the most difficult aspect of his injury is that it is difficult from him to communicate, that it is difficult for us to understand what he is telling us. Today he said that not being able to go out and hanging out with his friends is even more difficult. And who wouldn’t understand that. Just stop for a moment and try to imagine what having to handle this gigantic change must be like. Imagining it is almost unbearable. The reality must be unreal.

We are making progress with An Saol. Plans are being drawn up by a friend which will allow us to reach a decision point on whether we will be able to go ahead with the refurbishment of premises that are available for rent, premises that would be super cool. At the same time we are still with the Charity Regulator trying to get charity status for An Saol. All the scandals in the charity sector over the past months and years have made that process infinitely more difficult. Another reality that seems unreal. Imagine, we have a project approved, the money has been allocated, and we are waiting for what to me looks and sounds like a formality. Unreal.

There are other aspects of my life that are unreal. So unreal, in fact, that I don’t want to think about them too much. That I’m blocking them out. Because, as horrid as they might be, I won’t be able to change them. So I acknowledge them and then focus on aspects of my life and the life of the ones I care for which I can influence and make better. World peace, yes. But not in far away countries. At home. At work. At leisure time.

Some blame Thatcher. Most of us blame Trump. Trump blames North Korea. Others blame climate change. The rain. The temperature. The traffic. The Germans. Rarely their mothers. More often their fathers.

I have a friend who once told me: sure, psychology, first semester. First reaction: blame someone else. It’s called ‘psychological projection’ in psychological theory. We’ve all done it. It’s kind of liberating. You offload responsibility to someone else. So you don’t have to accept it.

The disadvantage is that with the blame and the responsibility you also hand over control. If someone else is to blame, you won’t ever be able to correct the wrong. Or to do the right thing yourself.

Blame also absorbs a lot of energy, and generates negativity.

If you want to change anything, you have to be positive, you have to believe that you are in charge and can really make a difference. And you need all the energy you can get to make that happen. And positivity.

Does that prevent me from blaming people and institutions for their truly hurtful, unjust and irresponsible actions? – No way.

The good news today are: Pádraig had a long visit by to of his best friends. AND, hear hear, he reduced the intake of fluid via the PEG to a record-low one portion!

I’m not talking about the computer-type tablet.

Nor am I talking about the drug-type tablet. I’m referring to the only tablet Pádraig has been taking for a long time, and that is a calcium supplement. Why? Well, because today was the first day I took that tablet orally. We tried it out ourselves and then asked Pádraig to chew it, as one should. So far, he’d been taking it with water via his PEG. Today, he chewed and then swallowed it. Small step. But significant. And important.

There are a few things I came across which I wanted to share. One is an article in The Guardian by Jonathan Friesland who wrote recently that hurricane

Harvey has killed an estimated 44 Texans and forced some 32,000 into shelters since it struck, a week ago. That is a catastrophe for every one of those individuals, of course. Still, those figures look small alongside the havoc wreaked by flooding across southern Asia during the very same period. In the past few days, more than 1,200 people have been killed, and the lives of some 40 million others turned upside down, by torrential rain in northern India, southern Nepal, northern Bangladesh and southern Pakistan.

And, of course, we hardly heard about it at all. People are not equal even in death.

Finally, Kathy Armstrong wrote in the Irish Independent just a few days ago about a young Galway man (22) who was hit by a car in Philadelphia in the US and is struggling for his life. You can read more about what happened to this young man and donate to support his recovery. Apparently, he has not insurance to cover his rehab.

The next date for your diary.

Where else would you be on a Friday night than at this incredible, outstanding, energising event supporting Pieta House, Headway and An Saol.

It’ll be a an incredible night out, with loads of good music, good company and brilliant publicity Join u! (You’ll need  ticket! Get one today!)

Got a good reason for taking the easy way out – to Djouce, a hilly wooded area a bit more than half an hour’s drive from our house in Co. Wicklow. (If you have a few minutes, watch the original video of the “Day Tripper” from 1965, which was – for whatever reason – uploaded just a couple of weeks ago. The moves during the intro are absolutely hilarious.)

The day felt a bit like the Camino: a long, quiet walk with tons of fresh air, with few people around, fantastic smells from the trees and the grass around us, good conversations and never-ending time.

In fact, it was so nice that we decided that we’ll be going on Day Trips every Saturday, weather permitting, into ‘nature’. There must be gazillions of trails and walks in and around Dublin just waiting to be discovered. And there is nothing like a bit of a distance, from where the world looks blue and green, where there is harmony, and where there’re voices of hope and peace. – God is watching us. From a distance.

The shop where the bike was bought said ‘bring it in tomorrow’. The owner of the shop down the road said ‘Ah sure, its almost half five and I’m closing up. Bring it in tomorrow’. I had explained that the race is tomorrow and that it was just a change of break pads – which I had in my pocket but could not change myself. And then: a really nice young man in the third shop said ‘sure, bring it in’ and then changed the pads in 2 minutes. He wouldn’t take any money. Nor would he when I came in a second time when I needed help adjusting one of the breaks themselves. (Note: *not* my bike, not my race:)

Isn’t it amazing that shop #1 and shop #2 are still around? I mean, would you ever really go back to them? I mean, I am the customer, I’m going to pay, I need their help, I’ve even bought products worth hundreds of euros from them. And then they don’t have 2 miserable minutes? I had to think of insurance companies who charge their loyal customers (who don’t shop around at renewal date) twice the premium they charge new customer (who do shop around). They take your money and run…

The philosophy seems to be (like with the Irish water charges): if you’re stupid enough to pay (or stick with a bad service) you don’t deserve any better.

When the approach should be that relationships are valued, people are supported (not exploited) and charges are levied fairly. But, of course, that approach is fast disappearing. Sadly.

Pádraig had the therapy session of his life today. He even continued practicing by himself with some exercises when the therapist was just chatting to him and us about how he could be working out on his own.

We have decided to look for more therapists and also for carers ourselves. People Pádraig needs and people he would be happy to work with, to spend time with – and vice versa. I started with a search for occupational therapists (OTs) sending out many emails to professionals listed on their association’s website. Receiving very few positive replies. Though some were promising.

I’ll do a similar search for carers. And speech therapists. Maybe there is someone out there looking for a job, Maybe someone from abroad would like to come to Dublin for a while? – Who knows…

It’ll have to be someone with an “old-fashioned type” of attitude and outlook, with a sense of service and responsibility, someone who’d understand Pádraig’s interests and shared them, with a good sense of humour and a caring heart.

Another visitor. Another really great physio session. Pádraig is having good days these days. If we could get the necessary routine and reliability into other areas of his day I could almost see how we could work on his rehab, get through the day, make progress – and not being stressed out. I’m sure that one day we’ll get there.

India, Spain, Jordan, Waterford – all sorts or strange and wonderful places are destinations for some of Pádraig’s friends who are everything but settled down. It’s the travel, the change, the “I won’t tie myself down” attitude to life that reminds me of my reluctance to take up a mortgage. Taking out a loan, spend the money and then returning it for most of your life was not what I grew up with. In my ‘world’, I was taught to save and then spend. There was no dependency on a bank’s interest rate, or on anyone who might decide to call in the debt. There was no dependency on anyone.

I still like that feeling. It makes you responsible. It requires you to be active and take charge. It is a proud kind of thing. It’s a “I don’t have to wait for others to make things happen, I can do it myself” kind of thing.

Of course, we always need others to help us. And they will. If they see us stop making excuses, taking responsibility, if they see us stop making excuses, and if they see us doing the right thing with all of our heart and deep convictions.

Who would not want to take responsibility and do the right thing?

There was laughter and never ending smiles from Pádraig with a level of slagging going on between his friends that he was enjoying tremendously. There was no end to it. They didn’t want to leave and he didn’t want to go to sleep. He and his friends had a fantastic time. There wasn’t a taste of this boring every-day routine stuff we are going through with far too little fun and far too much ‘have-to-do’…

To be honest, I don’t want to go to sleep either. (And I have that feeling most days.)

I tried swimming today. Where would you go but to the National Aquatic Centre, the NAC. Everybody else must have known because there were just about half a dozen of swimmers in there. They were cleaning the pool and were charging twice the normal, already overpriced entry fee – because they were deep-cleaning the main pool with only the diving basin open. The 25m lane was fine. I had it all for myself. (I had paid twice for it:) I managed to do 1k. It’s a start.

Staying fit will not allow me to control life. But I hope it’ll help me to deal better with what life holds in store for me. – How pathetic does that sound.

When you think it couldn’t it does get worse. Over the past days, family members shared stories that are almost unbearable to listen to. From what I would call physical assault (something that happened a good 20 years ago) to incredible delays in getting access to the most basic medical diagnostics, such as an EEG.

What The Irish Sun wrote today about Pádraig is an optimistic and positive view of the healing process that is possible. The tragedy is that it is a process that is happening despite, and not because of, the structures that are in place in Ireland to support injured like him.

In the story they ask their readers to help us find premises. – Maybe, just maybe someone will read this and say: I have an idea!

Today I promise myself that I will find a leat two carers, and two to three therapists that will help us support Pádraig’s recovery. I won’t care much about the cost. I will keep the receipts and send them to the HSE.

Who knows what will happen…