What are the three billboard outside Ebbing, Missouri, all about? For the first time in a long time, Pádraig went to the cinema this afternoon, organised by one of his friend. Pádraig really likes Martin McDonagh, the author and director of the movie we went to see. He has watched in Brugge so often that he knows the dialogue off by heart.

Three Billboards has a similar kind of humour a sense of tragedy, mixed with some pretty violent scenes, as In Brugge. Coming out of the movie, I was wondering what it is all about. Tonight, I think it is all about the all consuming rage a person can feel in the face of incredible injustice. It is about doing something, better: *anything*, to disrupt the deafening consensus in our society. It is about a demonstration of how an all-consuming desire for revenge can isolate those who seek it from everybody around them.

There were times when I thought, I will be paying the rent for billboards to ask the questions about young people kept in nursing homes as if they were already dead, with not a chance in a million given to recover. To the contrary. I have felt this outrage myself.

The message of the movie, well: one message of the movie, is that this outrage just leads to more injustice and violence.

My lesson from the movie: rather than attacking something ‘bad’ (which can feel quite liberating) support ‘good’ alternatives and demonstrate how than can work.

If we make An Saol a success there will be no going back – and no need to attack the existing alternatives. Because they will just disappear.

Pádraig has started to work with a new system of spelling. It’s still a start-up, in a way, and none of us has got all the details right, but I think we’re on to something here. His therapist talked to people using this system for some time now and they have managed, apparently, to spell more than thirty words in a minute.

The letters of the alphabet are organised in four quadrants. To pick a letter we ask “Is the letter in quadrant 1 – 2 – 3 – 4? Pádraig bleeps when the right quadrant comes up. Then we read out the letters and he bleeps when the letter comes up. It’s two bleeps to find a letter. We all will have to learn about how the letters a grouped but once we’ll have mastered that, it could be a lightning fast system to spell words.

When we tried it out today, we got the first letter wrong. We had asked Pádraig what he liked most on pancakes. We started again and to the word right. It’s lemon he likes most on pancakes.

We then asked him to spell just any word that he wanted to spell. Any.

Guess what he spelled? With a humongous smile on his face? – Exactly! L-e-m-o-n.

Finally, there is something in this photo that makes it special. Dolly came in today with a lovely flower on her collar, celebrating Valentine’s Day. I tried to get a picture of the flower, unfortunately it didn’t come up.

But it’s still a very special picture, I think. (Even if you’re not big into dogs:)

Just got these pictures from my post-birthday celebrations. Pádraig blew out the candle! (And: just in case you were wondering… the cards in the background are neither his nor, sadly, mine:)

What a day Pádraig had: nearly an hour in his standing frame, physio with brilliant movements on the floor mat, and the Tuesday swim and walk-across-the-pool. It makes me feel exhausted just writing about it. He had a brilliant day and he enjoyed the different kinds of activities and exercises tremendously. Including a long chat before bedtime with loads of smiles and jokes. (Before you ask: it wasn’t me who was telling the jokes.)

It’s great to travel. And it’s great to be back home. It’s great to exhaust yourself. And it’s great to rest. – There is a season and a time for everything under heaven!

It was really hard to get up this morning. I haven’t figured out what it was, but whatever it was, the beds and blankets and linen were just perfect. Leaving all this behind was a major act of mind over matter. And then – we had to get out of the hotel, passing Udo’s mega painting, walk to the train station, through the snow, get on the S1, the check-in, onto the plane. This is when plans started not to work out. A very heavy snow shower covered Hamburg Airport. Luckily, they managed to clear at least one runway. Once the plane was de-iced, we could finally take of.

We were several hours late getting to Dublin. I went home to get Pádraig’s car.

Not sure whether you know this feeling when you click the key, they lights of the car should go on and it should unlock the doors. I clicked and clicked and clicked and nothing happened. Turned out I had forgotten to turn off the light of the belt unlocking system for the wheelchair and I had drained the battery. Got that sorted eventually and managed to get the rest of the family home.

Just half an hour later, Pádraig had a physio session. He did so well that we all were really amazed by his moves. Look at that foot-work. Yes, he has been able for some time to lift up his legs, and down, and up – one the legs were already off the ground. But today, he lifted up foot and leg right from the floor and up into the air. Is that a first? I think it id.

Tonight, having finally had my birthday cake and a special dinner (“Nachfeier”) my eyes keep closing while I’m trying to write this.

Once I keep going, all is good. Once I stop, I nearly collapse. It’s when it’s over that the exhaustion kicks in. I’ll stop right here and now and have an early night

We were celebrating my birthday, staying overnight in Hamburg in the hotel Pádraig couldn’t stay in with us those two Christmases he was in the hospital here. It was a brilliant afternoon. Being here with Pádraig was incredible. Last time we were here, he wasn’t able to eat or drink. This time he enjoyed some of the loveliest cakes you could imagine! In style!

He’s catching up! – And I’ll keep it very short tonight:)

PS: We looked out for him everywhere but didn’t see Udo L. this time:) Last time we left the Dreamboater CD for him and I would have liked to find out whether he liked it! 😎

It’s a tongue twister I never got right: “The Dutchman’s not the kind of man who keeps his thumb jammed in the dam that holds his dreams in“. To me it’s one of the most beautiful lines in one of the most beautiful folk and love songs. I had to think about that when I went out for my first long run today, in preparation for the Hamburg marathon. I went up the road, to the the first and then the second dike, across and down to the marshland with the Westerhever lighthouse in the distance. It was a dark, really cold morning, with nobody out for a walk, except for me ‘running’ along the dike. I was thinking about the Dutchman and my ice-cold thumb not being jammed in the dam, allowing my dreams to flood the marshes. There they were. All around me.

Against all odds, I made it back home. It took my body about an hour to defrost, turning into all shades of red and pink in places. But you know what? I felt great. So much so that I thought: being able to do this every day (or… every second day:) and being with the people I love is all I really need. – I know, I know. It’s not. But that is how it felt.

Today, we didn’t make it to a cake shop or to a nice café or restaurant. No waffles for Pádraig. Instead, we went to one of those incredibly big electronic shops they have in Germany where you feel you absolutely need to upgrade your phone, get this super-fast 128GB USB stick for your laptop, and change your boring white fridge for a fancy-looking NY-style fridge and freezer and ice-maker. It was hard to resist. In the end we bought Pádraig high-tech, highly-reduced headphones we had tried out with him while exploring the shop, listening to Bell X1 and Snowpatrol.

While I was humming the chorus of the Dutchman –

Let us go to the banks of the ocean
Where the walls rise above the Zuider Zee.
Long ago, I used to be a young man
And dear Margaret remembers that for me.

Inside or Outside. For many, this is a very critical question. For example for the German social democrats, the SPD. They have decided to turn around 180o, all in the interest of the country, of course, and join the christian democrats, the CDU, in government in a ‘Big Coalition’, a ‘Große Coalition’, or: Groko. Tens of thousands of Germans, mostly young Germans, have joined the SPD over the past weeks, so that they can vote against that agreement. So, whether this ‘Groko’ is actually going to happen or not, whether they will be inside or outside of government – who knows…

The days here have been fabulous: blue skies with almost no wind. But: it has been really really cold. The Irish met office would have issued a code ‘red’ warning. Dark red. Today we decided not to stay inside, but to go out, to face the arctic sun, and the elements. We walked all the way across the long wooden bridge towards the sea up to the Arche Noah. And, of course, back. To be honest, the ‘back’ bit was worse than expected because now the wind (and the wind had increased today) blew right into our faces. Pádraig was the lucky one, because he wore ‘Stollen’ a really good and caring friend had bought for him the other day. Don’t know what ‘Stollen’ are? Think of them as really long socks without the feet, to keep your legs warm. (And no, they haven’t got anything to do with Christmas.)

It was outside for us today. Followed by a warm-up in our favourite café overlooking the marsh and the huge sandbanks. Pádraig’s waffles were even better than the other day: they came with hot home made chocolate sauce and vanilla ice-cream. We decided to have a glass of white wine to remember this afternoon that was as close to perfect as an afternoon can get these days.

We were all really happy. Really.

(I promised myself to remember this afternoon, especially when times will be difficult again. And I’m sure that time will come. Happiness usually does not last. But neither does sadness. Both come and go. And even when you’re wondering what else on earth could go wrong next, because everything seems to go wrong, there will be happy, really happy moments. Like this afternoon was for us.)

It’s educational, at least, to watch TV in different countries. In Germany, one channel is searching for the country’s next super model. It’s basically about young women walking up and down in front of some middle-aged men making comments about their suitability. The only excuse for such a programme I got think of was that they must have made it before the #metoo campaign started and women began to speak out.

I got my first birthday present today, from Pádraig’s OT who staid on with Pádraig after a session to give us a couple of hours to go out. When we came back Pádraig had done some amazing work like unscrewing the tops of some small bottles grabbing them with  his index finger and thumb. When we left, he waved ‘good-bye’ – with his right arm! Something he had never done before! It made it all an evening to remember, for many reasons – not last because of the the big heart of a very generous, enthusiastic, professional, down-to-earth and very well grounded person.

Earlier today, I had come across this article in the Scientific American reporting on how Facebook is moving full steam ahead on its “silent speech” program, according to neuroscientist Mark Chevillet, who leads the project.

Few people use voice assistants at work: “People don’t like to do it [speak aloud what they want to post] in front of other people,” Chevillet told a conference at the MIT Media Lab. But “what if you could type directly from your brain?” Early testing “tells us this is not science fiction,” he said. “There is signal in there [the brain] that you can harness.” Building 8, Facebook’s advanced-tech center where the thoughts-to-type project is housed, runs on two-year cycles; Chevillet joined in 2016 from Johns Hopkins, so 2018 could bring hints that the project is making progress toward turning thoughts into text at the hoped-for 100 words per minute, some 20 times faster than today’s brain-machine interfaces.

We have another couple of days and a night in Hamburg. Amazing how a week just passes by.

There are good days, and there are bad days. And then there are days I’m not sure about at all at all. We went to Hamburg today for Pádraig to see a doctor and for all sorts of different reasons that plan didn’t work out. We got there (on time!:) but it didn’t work out. So we drove all the way to Hamburg – for nothing.

On the other hand, we had an adventurous day and we checked out a few sites from days long passed. A trip down memory lane. Pádraig hadn’t seen some of the sites and has only faint memories of the Schön-Klinik. (Hands up who recognises any of the buildings above?)

We went into the ‘Hamburger Meile’, a ‘mall’ our American friends would say, a building a mile long, with tons of shops. Heated. We went to the food court. Pádraig had the choice between Turkish, Indian, Italian, general Asian, Kentucky Fried Chicken, or McDonalds. He picked McDonalds. And he wanted a Quarterpounder. Translated into German that was a ‘Hamburger Royal TS’, with chips (‘Pommes’:). That’s what he got and that’s what he ate.

Imagine that: go into a food court, pick your shop, get a burger and chips, and finish it all up. Sounds so simple, doesn’t it?

But it’s a huge step forward to a life that is more independent, self-determined, and integrated. Tiny steps, sure. But they’ll get him closer to where he wants to get.

So, at the end of the day… was it a good day or was it a bad day? To tell you the truth: I am tired, I am exhausted, and I have very little energy left. But, I suppose, all that energy spent today was well worth spending.

Today was a ‘slow day’. Although it didn’t start like it. Pádraig had a therapy session in the morning, so we had to get ready relatively early (relative to our otherwise lazy mornings).

You know that feeling when you see someone who knows what they are doing really really well, doing that with all their heart and mind, with an incredible energy, enthusiasm and kindness? These are rare moments. And when you encounter them, they are really really special.

That board on the picture above is ‘home made’. The red and black ‘sticks’ are empty containers of medicine used to vaccinate cows on farms (if I understood everything correctly). It’s ingenious.

Pádraig enjoyed that session and the change from his ‘normal’ routine.

There are times when I’m desperate for routine. I dream of it and wonder, why on earth our life, my life, cannot be planned, predicted, or shaped in a more ‘ordinary’ or ‘routine’ kind of way. – Today was one of these days when I was really happy that we were not stuck to a routine.