There was a moment when I thought I had lost everything, well – almost everything, in my life. My job, my friends, my life plan, and, of course, Pádraig. My independence. I thought, no matter what happens to you, you are in charge and you can decide what to do next – though not if all of a sudden there are huge responsibilities put upon you and when people depend on you. In that case, taking decisions for myself had to come second to my responsibilities for others, my family.
Then I thought what life would be without these responsibilities. Without looking after those, as best as I could, who are closest to me. I realised that I depend as much (if not more) on those who took away part of my independence, my liberty, my life plan, – as they depended on me. Without them, what sense would my life make?
You could call that a dialectic relationship, between a person who wants to be the independent captain of their fortune and the person who realises that without others there is no fortune, content, or happiness. – Makes me think of Christopher McCandless waking “Out of the Wild” where he had tried to become stronger by depending on nobody, realising that “happiness is only real when shared“.
Pádraig went to visit his last surviving grand aunt this afternoon. Two of his great friends visited him later and shared with him their latest news. They brought biscuits and cool-dude attitude. I wonder how they feel being with Pádraig. What they think and how they relate to him.
I went for a 24k ‘run’ and just about made it home. There’ll be a 28k run next Sunday and a 32k run the following Sunday. No idea about how that will be possible. But I will try.
Half of Pádraig’s carers will not be here this coming week. The idea of going on holidays in ones and of avoiding overlapping holidays has not gained ground yet.
Heard from a source in the HSE that the service agreement will be signed next week. Fingers crossed.