Tonight I just feel empty and tired. There must come a day when I’ll feel the ground under my feet again.
Earlier today, I took out a couple of hours and started to clean up my ‘home office’ in the attic where I hadn’t been for the best part of three years. It brought back the sense of un-connectedness. It’ll take weeks, if not months to get on top of papers, letters, and books just left there when we went off to Germany. Now ‘supplemented’ by stuff I picked up on the way, still in cloth bags, never looked at again.
A good friend of ours lost almost all of her belongings in a house fire late last year. The tremendous loss caused her huge difficulties. In my case, it felt like a house fire — all my stuff disappeared for almost three years. The difference is, all that stuff which I didn’t really need for quite a long time, is now back all of a sudden, and I haven’t found a way yet of dealing with it.
Would you throw it all out? All the ‘rubbish’ bringing back impossible memories?
Hospi-Tales 
Impossible to clear the Attic, so I don’t know would I try, you can’t let go of the painful past when it’s still part of your present. The feeling of unconnectedness helps us to deal with the struggles, you only feel disconnected, you are not. Could somebody do it for you? Or should they? It would be nice to let one of your close family members do that job for you. Am only thinking out loud. Slow to advise as you have achieved so much this far.
I feel more and more as no-thing you can touch with your fingers is really worth keeping. It only interferes with what life should be all about, Ruth. Just need a bit more time actually ‘translate’ that thinking into action:)
Reinhard – You will feel the ground under your feet again, you are so allowed to have a bad day or two…..you are doing so much and the constant stress just becomes overwhelming…..someone said to me it is like the tide going in and out and bad times are always followed by good times…..The weather is getting warmer here in Pforzheim and lots of blossoms on the trees waiting to welcome you and Padraig. We all wish you will from Germany.
It’s like the tide or like a rollercoaster – that person was right!
Can’t wait to see the blossoms on the trees in Pforzheim, and to get into this crazy place where they do all these crazy things that would be completely out of bounds for the sanitised approach of our risk assessors. Enjoy every minute of your time there!