“The answer to any important question is yes… and no”, someone said this morning on the radio. Over the past five years most questions I was confronted with had not just one answer.

One of those questions was about life and death. I was in such a panic, I was so frightened, and I felt such a responsibility passed on to me by Pádraig’s doctors, that I wanted to give a firm, clear, unambiguous answer. But that was a type of answer I really could not give. It was a truly terrible time, until it transpired that it was not up to me anyways to give that answer. And not to the doctors either. Especially not up to them.

Pádraig had an appointment in the CRC seating clinic to where he had been referred by his OT. They will be looking at finding better support for his back. And they will be looking for wheelchairs that are a little more road-worthy than the chair he’s got now, which is really just a transfer chair, to be used in doors. They are going to organise another appointment in 6-8 weeks’ time. My guess is that it’ll be Christmas. With luck.

While we were there I had one of those moments when I have to leave. For everybody’s sake.

We were asking, in the physio office, about the lovely hydro-pool in the CRC and were told that it is only for those participating in a special rehabilitation programme. And that it is only for children. And that the physio lead for adults makes only very rare exceptions from this rule. For some adults already in a certain programme. Never for adults like Pádraig. Was the implied statement. “I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news.” She said. I bet you are. I thought. I wanted to note down the name of that physio so that I could contact her and asked the secretary repeatedly for a loan of the biro in her hand to note down the name in my notebook. She wouldn’t give it to me. There was a rule and there was no point in even asking for a biro, never mind for an exception explaining that we were living just a few kilometres down the road, that there was no other hydrotherapy pool around, that it could be really beneficial for Pádraig, that Pádraig deserved any help he could get, and that we would come at any hour of the day that suited them.

Surreal.