The other day a briefly talked to someone about my experience of time over the past few years. I forgot to say that I really have lost the ability to experience time. Never thought that was possible. I know that it exists as a concept for most people whose primary experience of it is that it passes. It’s a linear experience. It comes from somewhere, the past, and is consistently moving to somewhere else, the future.
I am not moving along anymore. It’s as if time was just there and I’m in it, stationary. It’s not as if nothing was happening, to the contrary. Loads of things are happening. But they are happening within this time capsule, this ever lasting moment that I am captured in. I can’t think of the past because it mostly breaks my heart. I can’t think of the future because I feel that is futile and far to accidental to think about.
So here I am: I feel energised. I feel tired. There are happy moments. There’s incredible sadness. All in this one moment.
Patrick had a great morning with a relaxing massage, a good SLT session, and afternoon with music therapy. He’s keeping himself busy. Smiling when there’s banter and when he is having you on. Or feels that you are. His humour hasn’t changed at all.I must ask him about the Dreamboater idea. The Alaska dream. The road trip in a camper van. His dreams. His experience of time.