UnknownPádraig’s doctor came in to say that the EEG they did today was better than the previous EEG, meaning that he was going to reduce the anti-seizure medication straight away. (He had stopped the medication meant to increase Pádraig’s level of alertness earlier when it had caused problems in the form of increased seizure activity – but had increased Pádraig’s daily dose of the anti-seizure drug.) A bit of good news.

Tomorrow, I’ll be going to have a look at new apartments being built by our Wohnungsgenossenschaft. We will need a bigger apartment when Pádraig is discharged from the Schön-Klinik and his treatment continued through day care. The apartments being built are all accessible via an elevator and many have a balcony. Hopefully, there will be something suitable and, hopefully, we are in with a chance to get one of them.

I am so hopeful that Pádraig will make significant progress when he’ll move out of the Institutions. One of the doctors referred to our description of life in hospitals as “Institutionskoller”. I know the comparison doesn’t work, but I think I can much better understand how people who have to or choose to spend years of their life, or their whole life, in institutions. It feels like as if someone had clipped your wings, broke your spirit, and ‘taught’ you that your only chance was to ‘fit in’.

There were times when I thought I could explain to the ‘institutions’ that if only they considered a few simple words of advice, the world in general, and the part occupied by them in particular, would instantly become a better place. In the meantime, i have learned, the hard way, that I cannot change institutions. Worse, I cannot even change people. So I concentrate on what is possible: work with them. At times, this works, at times, it’s very difficult – and on other occasions (few, thankfully), it’s just impossible.

I am so convinced that Pádraig will make really big steps forward out of the institution because that is when he will be less dependent on doctors (because he will be more physically stable) and when the impact of the hundreds of people around the world supporting him with their prayers, their thoughts, their energy, their love, friendship, and solidarity really will make a huge, huge difference to his recovery. There will be real life, with a routine, with things to do, with places to go to – and none of it dependent on doorkeepers. – Don’t get me wrong, Pádraig got great help, care, and therapy; without it he would not be where he is today.

But I really look forward to a bit of normality. Who wouldn’t? – Huups, did I really just write this? Well,…. I don’t really like ‘normality’. And on second thoughts: maybe “Institutionskoller” just means that I have this urge to break out of ‘normality’, out of the institutions. Maybe what I’m looking for is not the ‘paved road of normality’ (van Gogh) at all, but the wild flowers of the anarchic boreen?