Here’s a secret: I asked my father once to go with me and meet the director of a college where they taught theology. I didn’t want to become a priest (the celibacy aspect of that vocation didn’t really appeal to me) but I really wanted to study theology. Luckily, the man was very straight with me and told me in no uncertain terms that there weren’t many jobs for lay theologians around. I say luckily because I now know a few people who did study theology despite the prospect of jobs and, through their study, lost their faith altogether. And while I am probably not a really ‘traditional’ catholic believer, in my own way I still have faith. Which, in many cases, but probably even more under the current circumstances, is not such a bad thing to have.

What I find surprising is that I am not going for the ‘desperate’ kind of faith. The one when you feel that your situation is so bad that praying might be your last resort – it can’t hurts and there might be a slight chance that it could make a difference.

To the contrary. What I have found is believe in the goodness of people. And not just ‘believe’ but hard evidence. I would never have thought that there is so much goodness, so much love, so much care and compassion in people. Family, friends, neighbours, but also complete strangers that have helped Pádraig and us beyond any expectation. It’s a humbling experience. Sometimes I think that it would be so much easier to give than to receive. When I get the real, the real physical sensation that my body is flushed empty, like a cistern empties when you pull the string. It starts from the top of my head and moves right out of my feet.

When I feel like this: how can I deal with the mundane aspects of my life? How can anything else still have at least some degree of importance?

Pádraig had a full day today. He didn’t sit out in his wheelchair (it’s not really ‘his’ wheelchair yet – ‘his’ wheelchair is still in transit from Denmark) but he had the daily physio, followed by respiratory therapy, the speech valve, and the MOTOMed-viva-2-Giro-de-Schön – all with no or minimum levels of extra oxygen. The respiratory therapist had taken a break from working with Pádraig, and it is great to see him back. He is using a really smart gadget, called the EzPAP, that amplifies the air pressure when Pádraig is breathing in and also prolongs the breathing out process by creating a counter-pressure. The effect is that alveoli are encouraged to exchange more CO2, and deeper parts of the lungs are reached by the air coming in, moving and loosening the secretions – all of which should improve his oxygenation and breathing.

Today’s German Music Tip
Gisbert zu Knyphausen, So seltsam durch die Nacht (2008). Singer Song Writer from Hamburg playing live.
Dann reden wir genau wie bisher von unserem Leben, das sich immer so weiterdreht, wir immer noch nichts verstehn, von dem Chaos in unseren Hirnen und dem Gang unserer Wege. … Wir warten auf den Anfang der Nacht, wenn das Licht ausgeht und unser müdes Herz wieder lacht.

What’s hot
Respiratory Therapy
What’s cold
Breathing with O2 support
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
New Yorker verrückt nach Nutella-Broten (head line today in Germany’s most read boulevard Zeitung, Bild).