Forget about Nazaré in Portugal, forget about Hawaii. According to Der Spiegel, Mullaghmore Head near Sligo is the best place on earth for surfers. Six degrees celsius cold water, heavy winds, and 15m high waves – it’s like surfing in the middle of a tsunami, according to one of Germany’s professional surfers.
For the past eight month, exactly, today, I have been looking at different kind of waves. I have learnt about heart monitors, oxygenation, the right heart rate, respiratory frequency, dangerous body temperature – most of it presented on monitors in steady forward moving waves.
Eight months ago, I was booking flights from Sanya, Southern China, via Shanghai and Detroit to Boston, in the middle of the night, not thinking, but wondering whether and when this nightmare I was having would end. Exactly 12 hours away from me, that was the time difference, a van had hit Pádraig, within minutes it was on Facebook, and Pat talked to a police officer while that officer was still on the scene. I left that hotel in the middle of the night and left on an 8am flight. 26 hours later I arrived in Boston and drove up to Hyannis. While traveling, I rang the hospital. They told me I could ring them any time of the day or night to find out how Pádraig was doing. When I entered Pádraig’s room, my heart broke. Pat was there and some of Pádraig’s friends. I knew I wasn’t going to wake up.
Today, we met Pádraig’s Speech Therapist. She told us all about tracheostomies, how they work, why patients need them, when and how they can be weaned off. We helped her to switch Pádraig over from his ordinary trachy front piece to a ‘speech’ valve which closed off the trachy opening and made him breathe through his mouth and nose again, also allowing him to make sounds. She and her colleague visit Pádraig three times a week and work with him to develop his swallowing capacities again, bit by bit, so that he will be able to get rid of the trachy eventually.
My eyes are filling up with tears, my throat is getting sore, my ears are ringing non-stop, my body aches like that of an old man, and my mind is refusing to take anything in. There are moments like this. I know they’ll pass. The world is still turning. The sun will still be shining in the morning. W. H. Auden’s request to “pack up the moon and dismantle the sun” was never taken on by anybody. Tomorrow, I’ll start training for the Hamburg Marathon. And I’ll make a deal with Pádraig.
Eight months. Waves have been my life ever since. Shooting up and tumbling down at an incredible nauseating speed. Pushing me ahead of them with all their force. Making me feel small, beaten, powerless. Teaching me humility. Pushing me under the water until I could hardly breathe. Making me gasp for air. Covering me from above so I didn’t know day from night.
Tomorrow will be another day. Riding the wave. Staying on top. With Pádraig. Always.
Today’s German Music Tip
BAP, Wellenreiter (1982).
What’s hot
Riding waves
What’s cold
Being afraid
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Mensch, hast Du so was schon gesehen?
Twitter: @forPadraig
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Hospi-Tales 
Dear Reinhard, It’s both heartbreaking and inspiring to read your blog and follow what you and Pat and Pádraig and your family and friends are going through…I hope you’re lifted by a strong wave into calmer waters soon. ..animo….xxx Eithne
Sent from Samsung Mobile
Dear Eithne, what is both heartbreaking and inspiring is your compassion. I have been a bit of a cynic at times, not much faith in people – not anymore. I know that if we fall, there will be a hundred arms to catch us. So, no reason to be afraid. Reinhard
Bad news, bad news
Come to me where I sleep
Turn, turn, turn again
Sayin’ one of your friends
Is in trouble deep
Turn, turn to the rain
And the wind
Without a reply
I left by the moon
Turn, turn, turn again
And was in his chambers
By the next afternoon
Turn, turn to the rain
And the wind
And I played my guitar
Through the night to the day
Turn, turn, turn again
And the only tune
My guitar could play
Was, “Oh the Cruel Rain
And the Wind”
Keep riding that wave Reinhard! Thinking of you all always.
Sophie, what a beautiful clip. I always regretted not having been born a few years earlier, and having missed Woodstock. So I bought Dylan’s first LP, tried really hard to listen to it, tried again, put it away for a year, tried again, and never stopped listening to it since, to him, to Joan Baez (who once did a concert on New Year’s eve in the Westfalenhalle in Dortmund in front of 10,000 people and more, just with her guitar), to Joni Mitchell, to Janis Joplin, to Leonard Cohen, to Neil Young. – Watching that clip, watching Dylan on the typewriter, in the dark, with Joan singing that song about Percy, it all came back and propelled me forward. Join the ride on that wave, Sophie. – Reinhard
Riding the wave – such a perfect metaphor! …so articulate and poetic – and descriptive of what all of you are going through. Hang in there! You’ve been moving mountains – and getting results. Remember to take time for yourself — to feed your soul and reconnect with the simple joys of life. Like on the airplane, they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others put on theirs. You are in our thoughts and prayers every day!
Never felt stronger, Diane. Never thought, never wrote, never felt, never shared, never received, never gave, like this, ever, before. Couldn’t do it without you. – Reinhard
Hello, Reinhard,
You write so eloquently even (especially?) at the hardest moments. As you say, these pass, and I hope the particular one you describe has done so by now.
Your picture of the monitor says it all.
With best wishes,
Louise
Hello Louise, It’s all about love, and ups and down, and time passing, nonstop. Isn’t it?
Cuando las olas son tan grandes y fuertes también lo son para arrastrarnos a la orilla o mecernos hasta que el tiempo amaine,… es buena idea dejarse llevar, llenarse de agua y vaciarse por dentro y por fuera, después de la tormenta vendrá la calma.
Descansa y piensa tb en ti, en Pat, besos y abrazos
Cuando vine por primera vez a España, alguien me tocó la canción de Serrat con la letra de Machado, lo mencioné antes me parece. Lo de –
“Dice una voz popular
Quién me presta una escalera
para subir al madero
para quitarle los clavos
a Jesús el nazareno.
…
Oh, no eres tú mi cantar
no puedo cantar ni quiero
a este jesús del madero
sino al que anduvo en la mar.”
Es el que anduvo en la mar, verdad, nuestro Jesús, Ana. Hay demasiados clavos, demasiada sangre, y demasiado dolor.
thank you so much for sharing all this with us!!!