Week one was exciting. Most of us didn’t know any of the other people. It was like starting all over again. There was no background, no history, no context, nothing. Where would I fit in here? Week two was great for conversations, a bit of trust developed, people were opening up, new perspectives were given to life stories. Week three – well, week three was about to get a bit dangerous, we were finding out who was ok and who wasn’t, people were beginning to gang up against those not fitting in or being strange. Fortunately, at the end of week three we had reached the north of Ireland. It was the middle of the night, so we didn’t manage to go on land. But we staid up, looked at the lights of the little village and the once-off housing disaster on the hills, and drank without getting drunk. For a psychologist, this sailing trip from Halifax to Ireland would have been a field day. We hadn’t been checked or tested, we had just registered and paid ‘the ferryman’ to get us to the other side. There could have been murderers, rapists, drug dealers, anybody. In hind side, I regret that I didn’t tell one or two of my mates, all in confidence, that i had just been released from prison – just to lean back, relax, and see the show unfold. How would a group of people react on the middle of the ocean when they realized (or thought they just realized) that a convicted criminal was amongst them? It would have altered the well-established phases people go through when, in a confined space, they are getting to know each other, are dependent on each other, have to focus, and have to work together to get to the other side. Their focus would have changed dramatically, I’d suspect.

These three (and a bit) weeks were the realization of my dream to sail around the world. I had planned to do it with the family, but they were busy. I didn’t have a big enough boat. I was on my own. So buying in to this tall ship regatta across to Ireland had to be good enough.

I am going through phases again at the moment, well established once, I believe. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (haven’t got quite there yet). Personally, I feel I am between anger and bargaining – if I fit into these stages at all. And I hope, I won’t loose the anger completely. I want to do something with this anger. In a good way. I want to help improve the care for ABI patients in Ireland. I want to raise the awareness for cyclists among drivers, especially on Cape Cod. I want to make young people who travel aware never to trust that insurance companies sell them adequate and fit-for-purpose cover. Ever.

There was not much change with Pádraig today. There are still secretions and fluid around his lungs, but they aren’t dangerous and don’t cause him trouble, according to the doctor we managed to talk to today. They rang the Schön-Klinik today to see did they have a room. They will ring again tomorrow. One of these days, we will leave the UKE behind. Physically and mentally.Though the scars will stay with us forever and won’t fade away, I’m afraid.

I don’t know how often I had planned to concentrate on the essential, only to be drawn into the absolutely unimportant inconsequential again before I could even blink. Pádraig thought I shouldn’t be bothered with all this stuff – after all, what did it really matter, all this stuff, if it stopped you from following your dreams? In a very strange, almost incomprehensible way, he is making me focus on what matters. So, whatever stage I should be in – in my case, it’s the beginning of clear vision and focus.

Today’s German Music Tip
Nena, In meinem Leben (2010). Nena of 99 Luftballons fame…
What’s hot
Focus on what matters
What’s cold
Focus on ‘real life’ important stuff
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Mensch Meier

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