Today at around 10am six months ago Pádraig was hit by a van when cycling on Route 6A on Cape Cod he has been in a coma since I was in Sanya on Hainan Island in the south of China when I received a call from Pat about three hours after the accident just before 1am local time someone had put it up on Facebook and we had thought it might have been one of those scams only that this time it was not I booked a flight packed my bags checked out of the hotel went to the airport had a phone call with a very good friend who was attending the same event I was leaving and travelled for the next 20 hours to Cape Cod Hospital it was the loneliest saddest trip of my life switching between a sense of reality and fiction what kept me going was the knowledge that we would all be together.

Today six months later we still are and always will be.

Ich bin jetzt raus,  jetzt steh ich hier. Das Wasser riecht nach Gift. – My great idea to

Hamburger Beach

show off Hamburg’s Elbe beach did not work out. “Imagine, going for a walk in Dublin port on a miserable December morning”, was the kindest comment this walk provoked. After a very relaxing night and a long breakfast, we had a few hours – so I decided to introduce the family to what German families do: going for a walk. I had undoubtedly discovered a ‘Geheimtip’ with Hamburgers: all car parks were full, the streets were busy with families, couples, dogs, prams, joggers, down and outs – and all were heading for the beach. Across, you could get an idea of the ‘große weite Welt’: ginourmous container vessels from South America and China were getting ready. For Germans, this is a really exciting place. For a Dubliner, well, it turned out they’d prefer Dollymount or Sandymount, or Howth or Bray any day of the week.

We passed on all the Christmas wishes we had received for Pádraig to himself. I am sure that, being away from Ireland and especially at this time of the year, must be very hard for him – but knowing that so many people are thinking of him and keeping him in their thoughts is second best to actually being with them.

Most people either have someone in the family or know someone who has been affected

The 2-minute alarm break

by cancer, a coronary disease, or a renal illness. There are, unfortunately, so many of them, they have support groups, they have a lobby. I am probably not alone here when I say that until Pádraig’s accident, I had never known anyone, nor heard of anyone even remotely close to me, who had remained in a coma for such a long time. I had never hear about the term Acquired Brain Injury, or ABI for short. I had no idea how people with an ABI were cared for, what their needs were, what an ABI meant for the person with the ABI and

The OFF switch

their family. All of that has changed. To the extend that the nurse today said, ‘Herr Kollege, würden Sie bitte…’ and then followed the request to switch off the alarms on the respirator for two minutes, to allow him to disconnect it from Patrick and switch him over to the oxygen support, which is when he asked me to switch off the respirator completely and move the tubes out of the way. There was I operating a respirator. My father, who always wanted me to become a doctor, would have been proud of me. This is the ‘stuff’ that is happening. This stuff is full of numbers, figures, machines, charts, medical dictionaries, and technology. Stuff is cold and heartless. There is no feeling in stuff. Yet, it is important to keep the wheels turning, to make sure nothing goes wrong.

In the middle of this, there is Pádraig’s presence and suffering, and enormous strength and willpower. This single-mindedness that could drive you bananas, but usually achieved what he had aimed for. It’ll be no different this time.

Wir sind die letzten von hundertzehn – wir warten bis die Zeit vergeht.

Today’s German Music Tip
Spliff, Déja Vu (live 1982). The lyrics are pure magic.
What’s hot
The Beach on the River Elbe
What’s cold
The Beach on the River Elbe
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Ausnahmezustand (usually used in a different context – but suggested by an old friend as a description of our current circumstances)

Twitter: @forPadraig
#caringforPadraig
web: http://www.caringforPadraig.org

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

We thought we had mixed up the times when we arrived at St. Franziskus, our new parish church. The car park was half empty, and there was almost nobody outside the

St. Franziskus in Hamburg-Barmbek

doors. Yet, it was just three minutes to 11, three minutes to the start of Christmas mass. Turned out we had arrived at the right time, just that German, or Hamburg, Christmas mass is different. Hamburg is mainly protestant and catholics are in a minority here which might explain, at least partially, that there were just about 40 people looking lost in a big, beautiful church, with the most beautiful organ with, literally, all whistles and bells you could imagine. And they really showed it off. The faithful gathered for mass were from all corners of the world, with some Germans here and there. The priest was Polish. And together, we sang 15th century German religious songs, as well as more recent, 19th century traditional Christmas songs. The kids were asking whether I was sure this was a catholic church, with LOADS of singing and organ playing, and a service taking more than an hour. We followed the German mass in the official mass books which had all the texts in German and, in parallel, in Latin – just in case. It was nice to be at mass, but it was, definitely, different.

Pádraig this morning had a guided self-wash, or something like this:) As there was a nurse this morning, with only two patients to look after, she decided to take time to help him to wash himself. She took his hands and guided them. While he still has no, or very little, movement in his arms and hands, and could never have done this himself – the sense of touch and movement, and knowing what he was doing, must have been so positive and new, after so many months. Doing this with Pádraig takes skill, care and time – and the believe that is does endless good to him.

The doctors here had midnight calls with thorax specialists in the Universitätskrankenhaus Eppendorf (UKE), just ten minutes from here, to discuss the CT they had done with the contrast agent. They feel that he needs an operation that would take out bullae, air-filled cavities within the lung tissue, that allow air from the lungs to enter the thoracic cavity, leading to the lung to collapse. It’s all a bit new and we still need to find out more, tomorrow from an Oberärtzin, and then from the thorax surgeons in the UKE. This procedure should allow them to avoid the pleurodesis they had been talking about before. The UKE is one of Germany’s leading hospitals which is the good news. The bad news is that he would have to travel again, though by land in an ambulance and only for 10-15 minutes. The current plan is to bring him to the UKE on the 29th and operate on the 30th. He would stay there for about a week – but all subject to confirmation.

Imagine – all this happening between Christmas Eve and Christmas day…

One of Udo’s paintings on a wall of the hotel (you’ll notice: Udo is a singer)

Today, we had a lovely brunch and are staying in a really nice hotel in Hamburg (home of Udo Lindenberg:), thanks to really really good friends who wanted us to have a relaxed and lovely Christmas. It did the trick. It still has been the most difficult and stressful Christmas of our lives, with all sorts of expected and unexpected hurtful moments – but we are pulling through and will come out at the other end full of hope and expectation for better days to come.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

Today’s German Music Tip
Rolf Zuckowski, Dezemberträume (1993). Brings back memories from long drives through snowy landscapes with three kids in the back of the car singing along.
What’s hot
Heavenly peace
What’s cold
Operations
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Nichts haut einen Seemann um…

Twitter: @forPadraig
#caringforPadraig
web: http://www.caringforPadraig.org

There is not a soul on the streets.

Spent the afternoon with Pádraig. Went to the apartment. Cooked dinner.  Are together.

The crib in Pádraig’s room, courtesy of a good friend.

… and the kings are on their way.

 

2 air ambulances, six weeks in Germany, over 10k kilometers on the odometre, 25 weeks and 4 days after the accident, 3-times pneumothorax, half a dozen CTs, dozens of x-rays, one day to Christmas Eve,… 94% oxygen saturation, 134/87 blood pressure, pulse at 102, 30% oxygen, PEEP at 6, 4 days to the six-months mark, just eight days and this year will almost be over…

I have never counted so much in my life: days, weeks, months, the number of good and dreadful news.

This morning, we got a phone call from the hospital, “everything is well, no reason to be upset, this is just a routine call to ask for your consent to a routing procedure”. An Oberärztin I had never met was on the other side of the line and said that they wanted to do a CT of Pádraig’s lungs using a contrast agent to find out more about what was causing his lungs not to heal up, and the leak to stay open. They needed our consent. In the process, they proposed to do another CT of his head; the last had been done on 18 November. The idea, the Oberärztin explained, was to get the best diagnosis possible for the recurring pneumothorax – and getting ready for a possible pleurodesis. She was doing her job on the phone but overshot the mark a little adding some unnecessary drama to the mix when she said that Pádraig’s oxygen saturation had gone down significantly last night – which later in the afternoon when we double-checked turned out to be a false alarm: that had never happened. Even Germans can make mistakes. The only way to receive the fax with the consent form, and to send the signed copies back was to go to a hotel in St Peter-Ording and ask for the use of their fax machine. They could’t have been more helpful.

WOW! See the last man standing?

Following the drama at daybreak, the afternoon brought an important meeting. On the way up the stairs to Pádraig’s ward, we literally almost ran in to the chief consultant, the Chefarzt, who recognized me as Pádraig’s father – and stopped. What followed was a brief but concise and encouraging update by the man in charge. He definitely is trying everything in his power to avoid a pleurodesis. The Universitätsklinik Eppendorf (UKE) in Hamburg are the best in Germany regarding the treatment of trauma patients. They are now assisting medical staff in Pádraig’s case – trying out all sorts of tricks that could help them avoid the pleurodesis. The chief confirm that Pádraig was responding well to the ‘feuchte Nase’ (oxygen support as opposed to respirator), no word of the dramatic fall in oxygen saturation we had heard about before… – I had, really had, and could not resist had, a memory of us stopping a rehab consultant looking after Pádraig in Beaumont, and being chastized and censored for having done so.

Rather than about ethics, I had a long conversation with Pat about the difference between the hospi-tell culture in Germany and that in Ireland. It’s not about the money, it’s not about the facilities – it is about the culture.

Two days to Christmas day. And counting.

Today’s German Music Tip
NN, Erika (1930s) – zwo, drei, vier. Some of you will remember that a DJ on RTÉ for weeks played this song in the morning to wake his listeners up! During our first year in the family Gaeltacht in An Fál Carrach in 1989, I was asked to perform a party piece. When I could not come up with one, the round of people decided to do one for me: Erika. And I was not offended. :)f
What’s hot
Caring. Doctors. In. Hospitals.
What’s cold
Another storm is brewing up
Pleurodesis
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Entwarnung

Twitter: @forPadraig
#caringforPadraig
web: http://www.caringforPadraig.org

On the forth of Advent, Michael D. wished everyone in Ireland and, in a special way, the extended Irish family abroad a peaceful Christmas. He highlighted the core Irish values

About to turn over to 10,000km

of care, solidarity, trust, and responsibility. He encouraged the Irish people to be, in an ethical sense, one another’s keeper. While he had worked, successfully, with young Irish people in the past year (“Irish young people have pride in their country”), he announced that, in the coming year, he will focus on a discussion of ethics “in all aspects of our lives”. – I have lived in Ireland longer than in any other place, including Germany. I have spent almost all of my working life in Ireland. I know that I should be in Ireland right now, with Pádraig, together with all of his family, and all of his friends. Yet, we are a thousand miles away. And we are the lucky ones. Lucky…

Every morning, I listen to the Irish news, and I know that Michael D. will need all his strength and all the support he can get to make his efforts to focus on ethics a successful one. I hope that he will be able, in a year’s time, to look back at the year and be satisfied that he changed the ethics of Ireland’s leading classes. It’ll be a mammoth task.

Pádraig is now mostly just on breathing support; only every 4-6 hours do nurses switch on the respirator for 2 hours or so to give him a break. I mentioned before that we all have noticed an increase in his level of awareness, some slight reactions. In different circumstances, it would probably not even be worth mentioning – in his, every little step forward, even the tiniest, gives renewed hope for better times to come. He got his hair washed, as promised, and in expectation of his sisters to arrive. I had mixed up the days and had told a nurse one of them would arrive today, when it’ll be only tomorrow that she will come to Hamburg. When she was asking, Pat very kindly explained about this phenomenon of ‘senior moments’ which you can have, even if you are not that senior…

Yesterday, I mentioned the biggest police caravan I ever witnessed. I also mentioned that we broke the 10,000km mark in just six weeks. So I hope, you’ll like the short video and picture illustrating these events.

The apartment is almost ready. Just a few more screws to screw in (not more than 200 left is my guess), and it’ll be ready for the arrival of the rest of the family for Christmas. What a Christmas it will be…

Today’s German Music Tip
Marlene Dietrich, Lili Marleen (1944). The words to this song were written in 1915 by a Hamburg (!) school teacher. For some stupid reason, I just could not think of any other ‘soothing’ song, I sang this non-stop when the kids were small in an effort to put them to sleep.
What’s hot
Nights getting shorter
What’s cold
Christmas week at 14o C
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Habseligkeiten

Twitter: @forPadraig
#caringforPadraig
web: http://www.caringforPadraig.org

When the sun stands still it’s, of course, the longest or the shortest day of the year. Today, it was the shortest day. It’s an ancient turning point. Now we’re clacking at computers, in the sickly light they throw. All jonesing for wi-fi, so we can steal more tv shows. Watching a 6 year old on YouTube, playing drums to Billie Jean. Now this is the stuff that binds us, this and all those dairy creams. Pádraig had a ticket to tonight’s Bell X1 concert in Vicar Street. What a highlight on the shortest day, just a few days before Christmas.

We discovered by accident, that the dentist had done his job: Pádraig got a teeth protector for his lower jaw. Who would have thought that this would happen. I had mentioned potential damage to his teeth in the previous hospital (because Pádraig is grinding his teeth) , and asked whether there was anything that could be done – there wasn’t. Secondary injuries there were what they called them: secondary. They could all be fixed once primary injury was improving, so they said. In the meantime, they did not really matter that much. It’s too late to think about this too much now, but I remember that this attitude made me mad and got me close to a point where I would have lost my temper.

Today, I talked to the nurse looking after Pádraig, who had just come back after two weeks of holidays. She said that she saw a huge change in Padraig’s level of awareness and the she was very impressed by his progress. She also told me that they are just giving Pádraig now 2 hours on the respirator and then go back to just the plain oxygen support for his own breathing until they see that he is getting too tired; then they switch him back on the machine. Pat was there when she cleaned his teeth. They have all the nice lemon-ny swabs here, the same we used to buy in the pharmacy in bring in to the hospital. They also have the sponges on a stick which, we were told in Beaumont, were too dangerous to be used. The cleaning starts with a soft tooth brush. The nurse explained to him what she was going to do, then she holds the tooth brush against is lip so that he feels what it is she’ll shortly place into his mouth, and only when he understands what is going to happen next, does she put the brush into his mouth and cleans his teeth. After the ‘heavy’ cleaning, the freshening up of the mouth starts with the swabs and the sponges. Needless to say, there was no time, nor the necessary resources in Beaumont to do any of this. Tomorrow, Pádraig will get his hair washed – not for the first time in Hamburg. – This was done twice in Beaumont, the week and the day before he was going to leave. In nearly four months.

This evening, the police in Hamburg had big clashes with demonstrators against the evacuation of the Rote Flora, which has been occupied by squatters since 1988. Never in my life have I seen so many police cars. Driving up the Kieler Straße towards the Autobahn, there was a convoy the took at least 2 minutes to pass by us , in full speed.

I’ll be your velcro. I listened over the phone to Bell X1 tonight, thinking about what could have been. Dieser Weg wird kein leichter sein.

Today’s German Music Tip
Xavier Naidoo – Dieser Weg (2008).
Dieser Weg wird kein leichter sein
Dieser Weg wird steinig und schwer
Nicht mit vielen wirst du dir einig sein
Doch dieses Leben bietet so viel mehr

What’s hot
Skype and mobile phones
What’s cold
2,000 police breaking up a demonstration
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Dieses Leben bietet so viel mehr.

Unp(l)acked

I found out how to shave off 35 years of my age in an instant. I spent a day in IKEA trying to find stuff to furnish a completely empty – and I mean empty – apartment on a budget. And then bringing the bargains home in a Kia Picanto. I felt as if I was in my teens again, trying to get the first place I could call my own going on a shoestring. It felt like going back to basics, like getting rid of all the extras, unplugged.

Lebst Du schon oder schraubst Du noch?

The apartment is now full of boxes, unpacked. Also, raw and rough. It’ll be nice tomorrow evening, when all the lights have been connected, the bed built, and the tables set up.

Pádraig keeps doing well, quite alert and cooperative with the nurses. It’s all extremely modest progress, and his level of alertness is still quite restricted, but it is definitely there. There is no doubt that he is missing his friends, the talk, the music, and the nights out. And Christmas as it used to be.

PS on Easy Rider: Here is a little quiz for you. Which British singer-song writer release a song in 2012 containing the line Only hate the road when you’r missing home?

Today’s German Music Tip
Klaus Doldinger, Das Boot (1981). Soundtrack to one of the most successful movies of all time, written by Klaus Doldinger who became famous with his band “Klaus Doldinger´s Passport” jazz band.
What’s hot
Getting the apartment kitted out
What’s cold
IKEA
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Lebst Du schon oder schraubst Du noch? (IKEA tag line, “Wohnst Du noch oder kebst Du schon?”,  turned on its head:)

It took all day and the help of a friendly van driver – but now, we are proud members of the IKEA family and got some of their unbelievable bargains (we went there because we didn’t know where else to go). This morning, we decided to take the bull by its horns and make the big jump into the cold water at the deep end (mixing metaphors doesn’t work that well here, I just noticed). So –

Tonight, I am writing to you from Forbacher Straße 11 in 22049 Hamburg. We are not quite set up yet, but we are definitely getting there. We need to do something about the curtain (it’s not much fun sitting on the ground floor of a house surrounded by other houses, with what amounts to open windows:). We’ll also need to get the fridge and a coffee machine going. The reset then will be a piece of cake.

Last night, between 9.30 and 11.30, Kila worked up the crowd at their concert to make a big noise sending good vibes to Pádraig, singing their song ‘seo mo leaba’. How nice is that! Unfortunately, we weren’t in his room when they made this big noise, but he was pretty alert most of the day today. Most of his physical readings were quite good, despite him being off the ventilator for longer periods now. He makes such a huge effort to open his eyes and to connect, he really deserves a big turn around, an awakening, a getting better in a big way. Good vibrations…!

Over the past days, I realized and remembered that part of the initial reason for writing the blog was to tell you about the stuff that is going on here: from the acute hospital to early neuro rehabilitation. Once we are over Christmas, I will do some investigating and

‘Eiskalte Leidenschaft’ in our Edeka shop…

share the results with you. Looking after people with acquired brain injuries is not something that the Irish health service does particularly well, they are even worse when it comes to rehabilitation. I will spend some time reading about this stuff, once Christams is over.

… with a special touch screen dispenser for the vices:)

We went shopping in our local Edeka shop tonight (8-22, closed on Sundays), and saw some funny and interesting posters. We also went to a Thai take-away / restaurant and found it really ‘preiwert’, with extremely nice people. We’ll have to discover this part of town over the next few weeks!

In the mean time, we’ll experience our first night in Hamburg (I’m missing the drive already:) Seo mo leaba is waiting for me:)

Today’s German Music Tip
Sido, Bilder im Kopf (2012). 33.6m hits for this song by German rapper Sido on youtube is quite something. It’s not to everybody’s liking this kind of music – but for Germany to have this kind of rapper isn’t all that bad, even if you’re not a huge fan of rap must!
What’s hot
Willkommen in der Forbacher Straße
What’s cold
Living on the ground floor without curtains:)
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Eiskalte Leidenschaft (‘Leidenschaft’ as a word by itself is great, look up its meaning and etymology; it’s wonderful)

What do Paul Butterfield, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Emmylou Harris, Ringo Starr, Ronnie Hawkins, Dr. John, Joni Mitchell, Van Morrison, Muddy Waters, Ronnie Wood, Neil Diamond, Bobby Charles, The Staple Singers, and Eric Clapton have in common? – They all played during The Last Waltz at the Winterland Ballrooms in 1978 in San Francisco, the farewell concert of The Band. The documentary filmed by Martin Scorsese about this concert must be one of the best concert movies ever made. I went to see it on my own when it came out (couldn’t find anyone to join me:), and I remember that having watched the movie, it almost felt like a religious experience.

I Shall be Released was one of the songs I’ll never forget: “They say everything can be replaced. They say every distance is not near. So I remember every face of every man who put me here.” And then a few songs from the soundtrack of one of my favourite movies, Easy Rider (I have been trying for months to persuade my family to watch the movie with me without success): The Weight could almost be a modern Christmas song –  “I was feelin’ about half past dead; I just need some place where I can lay my head. “Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?” He just grinned and shook my hand, and “No!”, was all he said.” And watch the Easy Rider Intro at 1:35 when Henry Fonda gets rid of his watch, and drives on his beautiful bike into the sun across the Colorado River together with his friend Henry Fonda.

In Road movies the heroes always go from one place to another place. I have the feeling we are suspended in time, not coming from anywhere and not going to anywhere. The days are like the Irish weather: impossible to predict, and always mixed. A bit of this  (hope) and a bit of that (drama and despair). Overall, they are so similar that they are difficult to tell apart. Which day is it again today? I am trying to mark them, to make them different.

So, today was the day that Pádraig’s favourite nurse was back. Remember her from the first week? She is still the most caring and nicest and concerned person around. But this was only the second most important thing to happen. The most important thing was that Frau Oberärztin had a chat with us to explain that they will not operate. Instead, they will try a ‘new’ trick to help Pádraig with his left lung, and to avoid an operation, or pleurodesis: They will take him off the ventilator (2 hours on, 2 off) and they have reduced the pressure of the air being pumped into his lungs in the hope that this will allow his ruptured lung to heal ‘by itself’.

Today, his two friends left and aother very good friend arrived. With a bit of gossip, and a hardcover. It’s great to be here and still communicate, with 4

Today’s German Music Tip

Hannes Waden und Konstantin Wecker, Schon so lang (1982). – One of those German songs expressing exhaustion, emptiness, and the hope that once you get to the Mediterranean sun, all will be ok – “Bin müde und leer, will nach Süden ans Meer – schon so lang…”
What’s hot
Easy Rider 
What’s cold
Driving the same road again and again and again…
The German word/phrase/verse of the day
Bin auf meinem Web, schon so lang. (Hannes Waden)