“One feels free in relationships of love and friendship. It is not the absence of ties, but ties themselves which set us free. Freedom is a word which pertains to relations par excellence. Without hold there is no freedom.”
Byung-Chul Han

The German magazine DER SPIEGEL called him the philosopher of bad mood. Now they included him in the list of people who give us hope.

Apparently, Han is one of the most important and most widely read philosophers of our time.

I had to look him up. You can listen to Han’s writing on Spotify or check out a short interview with him here (in German with English subtitles). I started to listen to The Agony of Eros. It’s short, pretty dense, and so interesting.

To me, Han’s ideas clarified, explained, and named stuff I had noticed around me for some time. Noticed in myself, my behaviour, my feelings, my thinking. He put the finger on ‘it’.

In a way, what he is saying is both old-fashioned and revolutionary. We have to stop getting absorbed by ourselves and allow ourselves to be absorbed by another – allow ‘Eros’ to do its work.

He returns to a world I once knew, where we took care of each other, where my focus was not on me, but on the person I cared for, the person I loved. Not desperately tried to be loved, but loved. Where we were enriched by the one we loved, instead of trying to make them like ourselves. Where, in a way, we were free because we did not enslave ourselves to the gods of material wealth, external beauty, and the number of Facebook friends or YouTube followers.

“One feels free in relationships of love and friendship. It is not the absence of ties, but ties themselves which set us free. Freedom is a word which pertains to relations par excellence. Without hold there is no freedom.”

It’s revolutionary because it couldn’t be a more radical break from the values held by large parts of our Western societies where we often commit ourselves to success, busy-ness, and transaction-based relationships. Where many get depressed if they do not succeed – when they so easily could (so they are told) if they only tried harder. Where there is no room for the reality of pain, hurt, failure, disappointment and the like. Where our commitment is primarily to ourselves and our efforts are primarily directed at the satisfaction of our own desires.

Everybody tells us that everything is up for grabs and transaction-based. You can buy youth, health, friendships, and love.

Han brings us back to 1964 and the realisation that money can’t buy you love.

Tell me that you want the kind of things that money just can’t buyI don’t care too much for moneyMoney can’t buy me love

Finally, I want to share this song with you. Ideally, listen to it, full blast, on a sunny day, driving a fast cabrio down the Pacific coast on US Highway 1.

I know, know what’s on your mindAnd I know it gets tough sometimesBut you can give it one more try to find a reason whyYou should pick it up, ooh, and try it again
 
‘Cause it’s all right, think we’re gonna make itThink it might just work out this time
 

Just when you feel helplessNothing left to sayLove will find us, the past behind usThen we’re on our way

Then we’re on our way.