Yesterday, 20 years ago, Pádraig went to school for the first time. It was a really big day for all of us. Like everybody else, we took pictures of him in his uniform in front of the house – him putting up a brave face. It was also the day, and that’s another reason why we will never forget the day, that the IRA announced their first seize fire, marking the beginning of peace in the North of Ireland. Nie Wieder Krieg.

75 years ago today, Germany attacked Poland and, with it, the Second World War. It’s ironic that, today, the German parliament discussed sending arms into a war zone for the first time, at least officially, in Germany’s post-war history. “Nie Wieder Krieg” was the conviction I grew up with, too many people had died, there had been too much suffering – for nothing, nothing at all. The house we live in here in Hamburg, all the houses in the street, and all the streets in this part of town were completely destroyed in a fire storm. (Most of) you would probably not believe me if I told you that, in Dortmund, I used to play in bomb craters, their conic shape was perfect for speed cycling around at an angle. It’s one of these stories that made Pádraig turn his eyes to heaven and sigh – come on, tell us again…!

We had a good meeting with his new Oberarzt this afternoon, joined for the last few minutes by the Chefarzt from the ‘old’ ward (we previously really had not talked to, in a sit-down-around-the-table-kind-of-way). It was a really good meeting. We felt we were listened to and were getting some answers to a page full of questions we had prepared. The plan is to try drugs to stimulate Pádraig’s brain. I didn’t say it, and, to be honest, it’s really far to serious to even think about it, but – to me it all sounded very 60s and 70s like. So, they’re going to give him a drug to see what happens over a period of about 2-3 weeks, and then re-assess. It’s all very structured and we already have another formal appointment for our next meeting in three weeks’ time.

Things are still sorting themselves out in my head, the things that happened over the past year, also things we saw last week, above all the magnitude of what happened with Padraig. Different doctors and different practitioners giving us slightly different views of what should be done, how it should be done, and when it should be done. Aspects of it begin to feel like what happens at work: I ask a lot of questions, listen to a lot of people, and as I do so, I form my own opinion, and then follow my informed instinct, if such a thing exists. Only, that in this case so much depends on it, the whole situation is so hard to take, that my ears never stop ringing, my vision is getting blurred, my hair (the little that is left of it) is turning grey.

Many things have happened, I’ve heard and seen so many incredible things, that I keep thinking ‘Nie Wieder’, don’t look back, look into the future and make the best out of whatever is awaiting me, us, there. Nothing sounds easier, nothing is going to be harder to do.